Sociotherapist marriage!

19 december 2016

We are proud to say that since two weeks the CBSP team includes a sociotherapist-couple. Alex Pacifique (32) and Solange grew up together in Kayonza and Gicumbi, and after a period of little contact they met again in sociotherapy. From there, the two fell in love. While they initially considered a relationship to be an impossible project, they married on 3 December 2016. This article tells the story of how sociotherapy healed Alex and Solange from from their wounds, and how it reunited them.


Before meeting Solange again, I had spent many years without girlfriend or female friends. The reason was that I had been sincerely disappointed and hurt by women in the past. Therefore, I said to myself that I would never get a girlfriend or befriend a woman. However, when I joined the sociotherapy training in December 2014, I came to share my experiences with my fellow sociotherapists. This helped me to heal the wounds I had been suffering from for more than ten years.


My peers made me realize that not all women were bad, but especially the sociotherapy sessions healed me. I mainly facilitated groups of women, most of their problems concerning being let down by their partners. Their stories made me see that not only women are bad, but that men can be bad too sometimes. It surprised me that I was able give them advice and could help them to heal their wounds. Some of those women even got (re)married. This impacted me a lot and I started to think that maybe I myself could start looking for a women, with whom I could marry and start a family. I opened up and started socializing with women.


My story is somehow similar to the one of Alex. I had been deceived by men for three times in three years in a row. It broke my heart and I decided to never let any man enter my heart again. That was the wound I was suffering from when I joined the sociotherapy training. When I shared my story with my fellow sociotherapists they made me understand that not all the men are the same. I decided to start looking for a boyfriend again, but I set some criteria for the one that would conquer my heart. I mainly wanted him to be special, an orphan just like me. After starting facilitating sociotherapy groups though, I almost reviewed this decision. This was because I was working with different groups with family conflict. The stories they shared made me go back to my own experiences. I again considered not to get married at all.


However, the sociotherapy training left me with two great friends: I can always share my problems and decisions with them. So, one day I returned from a socio-group and told them about this decision to not get married or start a family. They then gave me examples of families that were well off and that did not have any of those conflicts. Also, sociotherapy participants testified about how they used to be in conflict with their families, but how they had improved their way of living now thanks to sociotherapy. This encouraged me a lot to continue looking for a boyfriend. Fortunately I met with Pacifique in a meeting for sociotherapists.


After that meeting, we went for a drink. Then we continued chatting on the phone and through whatsapp. She could give me some advice, and vice versa. Although we did not meet a lot in person because of the physical distance between us, we could feel that there was love inside us. That is how it started, two years ago. And now we are here, married and very happy.


We initially started our relationship thinking it was an impossible project. We did not even know where we would end. But as we moved forward, we continued to advice and support each other. However, our friends also supported us a lot. We therefore want to thank everyone who helped us, and who turned our wedding into the special and indescribable day that it was.